I read this extremely interesting blog post yesterday that had me in my feels. I mean this brother was pretty much unpacking my post college life with extraordinary eloquence. I was actually a bit jealous because I hadn’t written it myself. I agreed and felt almost every part of the post. Here are a few excerpts:

“The popular image of Black men in America is an uneducated, unemployed goon.  Far from the truth but people see what they are comfortable seeing.  So when they see a Black man who is striving for success their minds have trouble dealing with the reality in front of them.  That’s why when they see a Black man who has a high price sports car and he’s not an entertainer or athlete they think he’s a drug dealer.  Even some of friends might think he’s hustling illegal substances.  I’ve had that happen to me.”

Or

“With so many negative perceptions a Black man on the path to success develops a tendency to stay to himself.  A few are lucky to be among a similar group of men. Most, however, are on an isolated path with maybe one or two confidants.”

And finally

“Most people in society value the safety of being in a herd.  The herd gets uncomfortable with the person who wants to rise above the herd.  Often the Black man who wants to go beyond the proscribed path of the herd is ridiculed and unsupported in his path to success.  The successful Black man realizes, sometimes from a young age, that he may have to leave the people he loves behind.  It is a very hard choice.  Ultimately he has to choose himself because his drive to make a mark on the world is so strong.  That doesn’t make the choice any easier.”

I can empathize with each and every one of those statements because it’s how I have moved through the world up until just about this year.

Now that I have found a moderate bit of success and stability (and a new habit) I have now been able to reach back out to love ones from the past and begin to mend those relationships. Every black man striving to be better will hopefully become self-aware enough to do the same.

So up until this point in the post my man is spot on and killing me with these ideas and feelings that I couldn’t find a way to describe myself. Then he wrote this….

“Even in the realm of male/female relationships it can be lonely.  You are reading this blog because I made a decision that I wanted to make my mark through writing. Yet when I used to tell women what I wanted to do they didn’t believe I could do it.  They wondered if I could make money writing. The number of women who offered support I could count on one hand with fingers left over.  I learned to keep my interactions with women on a superficial level so I would at least get sex from them. It was shame I couldn’t open up to many women because they lacked vision. Many successful Black men have told me they had the same experiences.”

Well homie I couldn’t disagree with you more. Most of the men I know like myself have nothing BUT influential women in our lives with vision that helped us find ourselves.

I have learned some of life’s greatest lessons via interactions with women. I learn how to read people through the detailed conversation had with them. Learned how to love better by listening to them. I also learned how to organize from women.

Those lessons described are but a fraction of what I have learned from them and man if I am to be honest there have not been that many men that I can say the same of. At least not any that I know personally.

I mean I had Uncle Marshall, my Grandfather from time to time, Mr. Willy taught me how to tie my shows and my left from my rights (one of the most traumatic experiences for me as a kid) and Commissioner Charles Everett Jr has helped me along at different stages of my Aviation career. That’s about it. But for me to list the influential women of my life I would have a list about ten pages long with zero hesitation.

All of what I just mentioned is true of maybe my first 30 years on this planet. Since turning thirty success has started to find me and subsequently my networking opportunities. Also moving around the country a lot for work helps with being able to meet more successful/like minded men. Which means that now I definitely have around me a group of men that I would deem influential and integral to my continued success.

I recommend every young black man to try living someplace else. Most of the men that I know that have moved away from their home city have found a lot more success in their new home.

But this is my personal opinion based on my personal experiences.

After reading this blog post I became really interested in what the opposite sex would have to say about it. Being that I thought it was a unique perspective that I hadn’t seen shared a lot I figured that most women would probably learn something from it. Here are a few of the responses that I have seen:

another conversation

These are conversations with a few women that I know. They obviously didn’t agree with the statements about women that were made in the post.

Here is what some of the fellas had to say about the the topic:

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I have shared my opinion on the post and also those of others. But now I am interested in hearing your opinion. You can read the blog post for yourself using the link below. Please share your opinion in the comments box. Thank you

The Lonely Path of the Successful Black Man

Russell Wilson is a black man (mixed heritage) who played college football for the University of Wisconsin during the 2011 season, in which he set the single-season FBS record for passing efficiency (191.8) and led the team to a Big Ten title and the 2012 Rose Bowl. Wilson played football and baseball for North Carolina State University from 2008 to 2010 before transferring to Wisconsin. Wilson also played minor league baseball for the Tri-City Dust Devils in 2010 and the Asheville Tourists in 2011 as a second baseman.

Wilson was selected by the Seattle Shehawks with the 12th pick in the third round (75th overall) of the 2012 NFL Draft. In 2012, he tied Peyton Manning's record for most passing touchdowns by a rookie (26)
and was named the Pepsi NFL Rookie of the Year. Only 6 black quarterbacks have played in a Super Bowl and only 2 have won it. In 2013, he led the Shehawks to their first ever Super Bowl victory, and in 2014, led them to a second straight Super Bowl berth. Wilson has won more games (56) than any other NFL quarterback in his first five seasons, and is currently the second highest rated NFL passer of all time behind Aaron Rodgers, at the time, the second highest paid player in the NFL. But BLACK MEN don’t
seem to like him (not counting Shehawks fans).

Here’s why:

“Russell Wilson isnt black enough”

Back in 2014 there were stories circulating saying that some Shehawks players claimed that Russell Wilson isn’t black enough. Those are some sentiments that I’ve heard from friends and throughout social media about Russell Wilson and other brothers that speak in complete sentences regularly. A smart man would understand that blackness comes in all shares, shapes and personalities.

Even if a man doesn’t act like you and your dumb ass friends doesn’t mean he is less black than you.

“Russell Wilson is a Simp”

That article sums up my opinion on this matter. Read HERE

I don’t know when it became cool to worship all the worst shit about ourselves. Maybe it started in the 70’s when they started getting the black father out of the house. But hopefully we eventually go back to how we were in the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Back then the black community held themselves to the highest
of standards.

Now we have emotional men being raised by emotional women without their emotionless fathers in the house. And most of these young men’s fastest path to popularity is through dysfunction. SO I can understand how we are where we are now.

How a young man who is happily married to his wife can be called corny for publicly honoring her. How that same man can be called corny for doing the job of raising another mans son. I think it is interesting how we think his behavior is abnormal but don’t think the same of the shit on Worldstar.

I never really liked Russell Wilson because he is the quarterback of the Shehawks (I am a Niners fan). But I respect how he handles himself on the field and how he is with his family. Russell Wilson is a good dude. I wish we had more like him.

The other day my home girl was at a wine festival on snapchat and the caption read “Where are all the fine men at?” And my first thought was it must have been the city that she lives in; because men go to wine festivals RIGHT??? I mean we like wine and shit too don’t we? And then I thought about the times that I had been to a wine festival and realized I NEVER was alone…. ….I was with a woman! Are men really that clueless about where to meet good women? Probably!!! Before I get to my list I would like to first define Wifey (in my terms). Wifey – A woman who you are unashamed of bringing around friends or family and also has those qualities that make you want to be a better man. Here is my list

Honorable Mention

Everywhere!!!

Woman do everything and go everywhere. And i mean everywhere; sports bars, strip clubs, sporting events, etc… That’s where i meet them anyways.

5. Dating App/Site I bet 85% of single black women have been on either a dating app or site. So statistically speaking Wifey has to be there right? To find her you will definitely have to weed through the white girls, ratchets, girls you friend zone, dinner pimps and lost souls just to find her. 4. Speed Dating Fellas if I thought more people did this I would put it at #1. Speed Dating is the Dim Sum of dating. You get to have a small plate of 8 to 10 women all in one meal. And EVERY SINGLE one of them is there because they are seriously looking for a relationship. I know this because speed dating isn’t cheap. Average cost is probably between 20-50 dollars so any woman who pays for that is serious. Also, the women who go to speed dating are probably career women who don’t have much time for bullshit. She wont have a heavy social media presence unless she owns her own business and did you hear me when I said you can talk to 10 of them in one sitting! Pro tip: If your macking skills are bad, speed dating is the perfect place to practice. The old saying “You know if you will have sex with someone within moments of meeting them.” Fellas work on that initial moment during your speed dating practice sessions and you will be a Romeo in no time. Trust Me 3. Wine/Food Festivals All of these events are filled with women and couples and have a limited amount of single male participation (less competition). Every weekend I am on snap I see women posting vids from their wine festival excursions with all their fine ass friends! Women who go to wine/food festivals tend to be educated, open minded and fun. Also you will get the opportunity to expand your IQ on wine and food. IQ expansion is always good fellas. Next spring or summer make sure to check out a few. 2. Networking Event/Mixer These events vary depending on the group mixing but the idea is to attend a Networking Event/Mixer that aligns with a passion of yours. For example if you work in business or want to a networking event is perfect for you. You will have the opportunity to meet many likeminded women. 1. School The ultimate place to meet wifey. I think the most sustaining relationships begin in school. Most of the folk that I know got married to someone they met in school have lasted a while. And most of my friends met “wifey” there. The reason is because not only do you meet likeminded women but you get to see them navigate the world daily before you even talk to them. So you can learn A lot about a person in school before talking whilst in all the other instances mentioned you would just be meeting the person. So the evaluation period is longer and also expectations are low. The women you meet in school aren’t the ones frantic for marriage (that happens around 35). So fellas if you are still in school or know of that one who got away from your school begin your search there. I am sure you will like what you find.