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American Black Men? An international perspective.

Black Men aren’t shit!!! That seems to be a popular sentiment by a lot of black women on social media these days (I live in a black bubble, no idea what the Others are saying)

I don’t want to get into the reasons some of our women feel this way and how some feel compelled to go elsewhere.

What I did do was wonder how women outside of the country felt about black men in America.

Have their experiences been positive with us?

Can they empathize with their American counterparts?

Do they appreciate things in American men that their men may lack?

So I asked a friend of mine to give her take on her experience with American men and with zero prepping by me here was her response. (Btw she’s not talking about me here lol)

KayPee is of Jamaican descent and a citizen of Toronto Canada.

@_kprince_

Dating the American Single Man, a Canadian Tale

I call foul…

I call muthafuckin’ foul…

I need someone to review the tape. Red card the whole lot. Eject these dudes out the muthafuckin game due to unfair advantage!

Sorry…but your girl is irritated, and it’s killing my ego to say why that it is out loud…
Until now…

Me: Hi. I’m KayPee from Canada.

Support group: Hi KayPee.

Me: And I…fucks with American men…
Support group: *sympathetic looks with soft claps and tearful nods* you so brave KayPee…

Why is this an issue you ask?

Well because at this point in my life, Issa too old to force squares into circle spaces, so I try to approach dating logically as opposed to emotionally. Therefore, though I’m fully aware of how challenging it is for two people who want the same thing to find each other, it still doesn’t logically make sense for me to entertain anyone that requires a plane ride or a road trip. I got needs AND I’m a monogamist, two attributes that MUST be reciprocated. So why be unreasonable and expect these attributes from someone who’s long distance to call? Yes, I know it’s not impossible (I’m aware people do it successfully every day) but is it worth the stress? No. I think…

But FUCKKKKK….here I am.
Still fucking with these bloodclot yankees.

I’m irritated yo, as they continue to knock down my wall of reality and I KNOW I ain’t easy. But here, here are four damn reasons why y’all need to send my ass thoughts and prayers. Four reasons why I grudgingly welcome the American invasion:

1) Pick up game strong AF

My local options fail at this time and time and muthafuckin time again. Yes, I agree that approaching a complete stranger and vocalizing interest is stressful, like public speaking. But…
Cry me a river. We live in a patriarchal society so you’ll have enough tissues of injustices to wipe your tears presently and in the future. Buck up.

But seriously, I’ve had my experience with horrible approaches. The first, the I-look-like-I’m-having-a-stroke-stare. Nevermind that this type of phenomenon is not subtle and comes off as creepy, but conducting an open-mouth, emotionless stare without not even a smile, looking like your face is frozen due to an internal health emergency and not blinking, is NOT COOL regardless of how attractive you may be. Serial killers are known to be good looking at times, so if I’m unsure whether or not you want to murder me by the look on your face, it ain’t a good approach sir.

But mainly there’s the indirect approach, anything to avoid just good old fashion moving they gawd damn feet in the direction of the woman they are attracted to. I’ve had niglets search and find me on social media talking about “I saw you last night at the party and…” blah blah. Or their friend will do the work and say ‘my friend wanna talk to you’ and points out they ass in some far off corner, eyeing at me through leaves of a potted plant. How can I “respect” that bruh?

Now those damn yanks? They will straight up let you know of their interest by giving you proper bedroom-eyes stare and/or smile. And they don’t leave it to chance by sending a friend. Nah bee they rolling up asking you your drink order, working the fuck outta first impressions. It seems a pretty basic way to start the process of meeting someone, but yanks get it right and locals be so so wrong.

2) Strong Reject Recovery

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to prepare myself to possibly have to fight a local dude whom I was not interested in. I’m sure I’m not alone in this outcome, thanks toxic masculinity! As I’ve implied above, I’m aware of how stressful and discouraging that walking up to a complete stranger can be. Though I have done the approaching at times in my life (it’s 2019 y’all) there’s definitely more of an expectation for the dude to do it; granted. Saying that, even when a local dude manages to move his ass towards me, if I’m uninterested which SINGLE WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO BE, why the subsequent vitriol? The rude response? The mild temper tantrum? I choose to blame Drake, as though he may be really in touch with his feelings, I feel he knowingly/unknowingly gives ammunition to local dudes to feel entitled to only positive responses to their approach, or otherwise act like children and sulk. All I owe anyone is respect, even when I am uninterested. So a respectful “no thank you” should be the end of it, instead of “well that’s why you’re single” REAL LIFE RESPONSE! AND NOT THE WORST ONE! N*gga do you know me? I outta cut you…

Now to them yanks…so they approach as they do, but you’re just not interested. They accept the answer (after some further efforts, cuz they can’t possibly accept the first ‘no’, the cheeky bastards) with no bitterness, but how in the H-E-double hockey sticks did this seducer leave me considering whether or not I could have possibly made the wrong decision? It’s hard to pinpoint, and maybe it’s me and I’m used to having to prepare to a mace a disgruntled suitor, but a yankee never acts rejected! They usually give you some kind of parting compliment…”well girl you still beautiful AF” or “well at least take my card in the event you change your mind” or some parting joke that have you laughing like a hyena before you realize *poof*, ‘where he go’? Then if you’re still at the same event, he’ll make sure to playfully keep bumping into you or send you “eyes” (not creeper eyes) even though you said no. If I was to guess, this outcome is a reflection of their feelings of self-worth…they know they the shit, confident in what they bring to the table….so a ‘no’ from a complete stranger no matter how attracted they may be to them, ain’t gonna dent their armour. I’ve tried to have this conversation with my male friends…like ‘who am I’ who says ‘no’? Significant enough to destroy your self-esteem?! Absolutely, no. Don’t give anyone that power over you, including my fine self 😉.

3) The Chase

So when fake-Drake does the unthinkable and approaches me resulting in a positive end, why does he then commence operation “sit on his ass”?

Again, here’s another situation where I wish the stats proving that beautiful, worthy women outnumbering men in collosal amounts would show itself.

How else do you explain the nearly immediate coma that takes over when they “get the girl”?

I had an older gentleman leave me speechless, and I usually have a rebuttal for everything. After he successfully “got the girl” we experienced difficulty syncing our schedules and actually meeting up. Knowing that he was legit a busy man with a job that required crazy hours and travelling, I suggested that I could come meet him during lunch near his place of work. We met, had a cool time, then recommenced our dance of syncing schedules to arrange date #2.

After numerous empty forgotten promises, and dates followed by cancelations, it became evident that he truly was too busy to be pursuing anything at that time, in my opinion. So I just amicably ‘gave up’, no animosity, it is what it is. Then some time later he sprung up asking “what happened”. What happened? Was he not “there” during our multiple conversations and no-shows?

So I just laughed it off and told him to holla when his schedule free’d up so I wouldn’t have to chase him around the city. This ingrate responded to me, ‘you call that a chase’? I almost headbutt my cell phone. So I just read the message and didn’t respond. The ingrate re-sent the message after not hearing back from me and added question marks after it. Are you dumb? “What do you want from me?!”-Tyrese.

American gentlemen take care of the rotation, and yes, hate to break it to some ladies but regardless of the location, until we both agree to be exclusive organically (not by ultimatum), we all are in each other’s “rotation”. But the americans don’t make you feel that way, or at least give the correct amount of attention and intention to get to know you and stop you from getting into your feelings. The texts, the actual phonecalls, facetiming and successfully implementing ACTUAL PLANS to see each other. And these bastards fly you out, end. Of. Story. Not because they rich, but they appear willing to show some effort before concluding yeah or nay.

Who fights against reciprocating in such a situation? Not I. And I think also since they’re so damn territorial, they aint finished with you until THEY finished with you so hell yeah they gonna take up your time making it harder for some other dude to insert themselves.

Pretty basic actions when I re-read this, but still, the score is Canadians 0, American men 1212 in this department. Even situations that haven’t worked out in the past have been due to the amicable discovery of non-negotiables or difference of wants/needs, not due to any lack of effort. You get what you put in. Simple.

4) Talking about putting it in

Sex with an American dude…That is all.
Ok I’ll give a little, JUST a little because I don’t like gassing up dudes I ain’t messing with such as potentially YOU, the random, unknown reader. But yeah, I didn’t know how much I’d love a man’s hand around my neck……until an American put his hand around my neck. And his chat game during the act…good lordt. I’d say because they are typically very direct and confident these same attributes show up in ALL areas. Whew, can someone open a window or something…Jesus.

Now I’m not saying that all the locals here can’t fuck. But I’m saying my experience has been better across the border. Could be a fluke. Or not.
Again, someone open a god damn window or turn on a fan, please and thank you.

I’m saying no more. #ISaidWhatISaid

5) Warranted Submission

Now I would consider myself a feminist and an admirer of the black woman and all her layers and strengths. But as I’ve said numerous times to local guys here, even the strongest and most independent woman deep down would gladly submit to the right man, I don’t care what her mouth says. Hell I would in a heartbeat, because submission is a strength not a weakness. It’s an immense responsibility and act of incredible trust when a woman who could do all bad by herself let’s a man lead in the current climate, and that’s why it takes more than basic efforts to relinquish that power and appoint that position. It’s like a woman conducting the medieval ceremony of knighting a man…saying ‘I can do anything and have done everything, but I trust YOU to take charge’.

The American men ive experienced will NOT ALLOW WOMEN to take the lead. I tried to do so numerous times out of habit, not based on some agenda to emasculate him, and have been metaphorically slapped into “my place” (it’s getting hot in here once again). While my local prospects remain arguing on message boards on why women should go dutch on dates and how many coffee dates warrants a ‘real’ date and how many years it takes to get a christmas gift, this southern yankee told me once that if I dared open my own passenger car door again that he’d spank me in the parking lot. I know some women struggle with this sort of ‘leadership’, and I get why. We hear submission and we think “ownership”, while a REAL dude (in this case, my American dudes) thinks “responsibility”. And the locals hear this and think this submission occurs as a result of how much money an American dude may have and/or prepared to spend on a woman. All I can say is that’s not it, and talk to your successful capadres on the real deal. I dunno how to explain it, but I’ve just experienced it and NEVER from a non-American man. Maybe it’s a result of the immense patriotism to their country and/or loyalty to their block (i.e. “Detroit vs Everybody”) which translates to responsibility and sense of accountability towards whom they are dating. I’m sorry if my explanation is vague for this point…you gotta “be there” I guess. Regardless, my dear locals, take notes please.

Now listen. Though all these points are integral to my comparison of American vs my local men, it is not intended to be a blueprint to a guaranteed successful relationship. Case in point, your girl is still single, so my Canadian sisters, don’t go digging in your couches looking for airfare. American man checking off all the above boxes does not guarantee a good boyfriend or husband. But to me the above is BASIC material which my locals fail at miserably, all the gawd damn time.

Why? I dunno…maybe we women outnumber dudes so much down here that there’s little incentive to act right. For every ‘me’ maybe there’s 20 other ‘me’, prettier and funnier and willing to accept less and put up with more. *shrugs* Supply and demand, can’t argue economics no matter how it’s principles are applied. But these principals remain and are real at least for me, hence why I employ my sense of logic…

Stay AWAY from the Americans KayPee.
Stay AWAY from the American men KayPee.
Stay AWAY from the…
…
BRB, long-distance call coming through…
Chat lata,
KayPee

I wanna know, especially from those women in other countries. What has your experience been?

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A Call to Action

The last time I tried this I failed horribly. I think I got a bit too preachy (black folk don’t like to be preached to unless they are at church!). So this time I will try my best to keep my words to a minimum.

We definitely have a lot of shit going on in this country right now, don’t we? I mean shit we are kneeling and praying during national anthems, we are boycotting football, putting our CSI experience to use, coon marking, surviving natural disasters, a Manchurian candidate shot up Vegas and the POLICE are still killing us in cold blood.

So I can understand why we would be a bit distracted from what we should be focused on, which is….

….making our communities whole.

Colin Kaepernick’s sacrifice has been on our minds almost daily since the NFL season began. Not only did he risk his job by taking a stand. He also has continuously put his money and time to use and has been putting in work within the community( Click here for more on that) . Lets try following his example of selflessness.

There are indeed folk within our communities that are putting in actual work! They don’t spend their time arguing on Facebook. They have created programs and opportunities for countless individuals and families.

So I want to help us get back on track.

In my experience it has been better to get involved with an organization at its inception. That has allowed me to push my agenda upfront; which is always to put my people on.

Here are some organizations from EVERY city that I have lived in that I know could use your time, sponsorship and donations. Some of these organizations have made me the man I am today. Some I have been a part of from a voluntary standpoint and others from within leadership. They all struggle every year just to exist.

Help me help them.

District of Columbia

  • DMV

Black Lives Matter – #BlackLivesMatter is working for a world where Black lives are no longer systematically and intentionally targeted for demise. We affirm our contributions to this society, our humanity, and our resilience in the face of deadly oppression.  We have put our sweat equity and love for Black people into creating a political project–taking the hashtag off of social media and into the streets. The call for Black lives to matter is a rallying cry for ALL Black lives striving for liberation.

What Does #BlackLivesMatter Mean?

When we say Black Lives Matter, we are broadening the conversation around state violence to include all of the ways in which Black people are intentionally left powerless at the hands of the state.  We are talking about the ways in which Black lives are deprived of our basic human rights and dignity.

Website: http://blacklivesmatter.com/

To donate: Donate Here

To volunteer:  http://blacklivesmatter.com/getinvolved/

Florida

  • Palm Bay, Florida

Palm Bay Youth Athletic Association – The Palm Bay Youth Athletic Association (PBYAA) is an organization that provides athletic opportunities for young people. Our goal is to introduce, teach, and develop the fundamentals of football & cheerleading to our local youth as well as to promote good sportsmanship, teamwork, and healthy competition.

PBYAA is a non-profit organization of parents and local citizens that has come together to provide football and cheerleading experience for the youth of our community. All money goes to support team supplies and activities. This is a combination organization supporting both football and cheerleading activities.

Website: http://www.palmbayfootball.org/

To donate: Donate Here

Illinois

  • Chicago, Illinois

Tuskegee Next – The Mission: Honoring the legacy of the Tuskegee Airman, Tuskegee Next seeks to transforms the lives of at risk youth through aviation education and career path opportunities, so they can transform their communities.

Our Strategy: Tuskegee Next seeks to provide role models and a clear path toward aviation careers through: Flight Training, Life Skills, and Educational Assistance.

The Goal: The goal is to get 100 young men and women their private pilots licenses in 10 years.

Website: http://www.tuskegeenext.org/#future1

To donate: http://www.tuskegeenext.org/donate/

To volunteer: http://www.tuskegeenext.org/connect/

Aerostars – The mission of the AeroStars Aviation Exploration Apprenticeship (A2EA) After School Matters Program is to provide leadership development to students by enhancing the academic awareness of the applied sciences through fun, hands-on demonstration. Our objectives are to teach students about the history and importance of aerospace technology in our everyday lives, expose students to the vast array of career opportunities within the aerospace industry, assist students in attaining the skills necessary to participate and lead in the next generation of Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM) innovations, and support students interested in pursuing a career path in any particular area. Lead by the dynamic Tammera Holmes.

Website: http://www.aerostarcorp.com/index.html

To donate: Donate Here

To volunteer aai@avioninstitute.org

New York

  • Brookhaven, Long Island NY

Boys and Girls Club of BELLPORT AREA – Here at the Boys & Girls Club we are looking towards the future – the future of our members.

The Club offers programs that impact the lives of our members in vital areas such as academic success, good character and citizenship, and healthy lifestyles. These programs and activities help youth thrive. Young people need to know that someone cares about them and we are here to support them in every aspect of their lives.

No matter how one participates – a volunteer, a mentor, a tutor, a donor, a staff member – collectively we make a difference. We can all put children on the path to a great future.

Website: https://www.bgcbellport.org/

To donate: https://www.bgcbellport.org/donate/

To volunteer: https://www.bgcbellport.org/volunteer/

  • Brooklyn, New York

Boys Hope Girls Hope – Operating a college preparatory boarding program in Brooklyn, NY, BHGHNY has a mission to help academically capable and motivated children from at-risk situations meet their full potential and become men and women for others by providing them with the safe and stable living environment, academic support, and guidance they need to finish high school, graduate from college, and become responsible and productive citizens.

Website: http://bhghinternational.org/

To donate: http://bhghny.org/donate.php

To volunteer: http://www.bhghny.org/displaysection.php?sid=4

Boys Hope Girls Hope

  • Syracuse, New York

Southwest Community Center – Man, this place is an institution in Syracuse. They have probably had a hand in the lives of 70% of the African Americans in the community. I love that place. With Bongos and B&B’s across the street. I just love it all!

You could go to the Southwest Center and play basketball, be in a play, learn how to cook, read, write and listen, work, learn to swim, get married and help the community.

Please help Aunt Tracie and the crew ensure that they continue to be a pillar in our community.

Website: http://smnfswcc.org/

To donate: http://smnfswcc.org/#donate-tab

To volunteer: http://smnfswcc.org/#contact-tab

Precious Lily & Brotherhood Foundation – a program ran by new City Councilwoman Latoya Allen is a mentor program located in Syracuse, NY. They focus on the importance of education and empowerment throughout our community. They host family events throughout the year and also teach our children the importance of giving back. They encourage our children to participate in the active process of making our city a better place to live.

To donate: paypal.me/AllenEndeavor

To volunteer: lallenpride@yahoo.com

As you can see the majority of the organizations listed are tailored to the youth. I know there are countless organizations out there doing work for ALL of us. And because I am not all knowing I need your help.

Please help me compile that list of those organizations in your city that are putting in work and need help. Using the template that I have established above, let us know in the comments the organization, city, a brief description, address, website, etc…

If you don’t have all the information that is fine, I will work to fill in the blanks.

Lets cut out the twitter fingers and start putting in actual work folk!!!

This illustration sums up the most what a lot of us are doing these days:

Do Something!!!

Please Share

Thank You

 

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Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Only Choose A Black Woman (Part 1)

 

Image result for solange wedding pic

I am not against interracial relationships (I would like to get that out up front). You should be able to choose whomever you want. However I do believe that one of our main issues in this country is the erosion of the black family and community. The reason behind that erosion is well documented, so I will not get into it here. However having said that, if you chose a women that is not of our race it is in my humble opinion a SELFISH act.

I know I know using the word SELFISH in this context seems a bit harsh. But it is not if you understand what the word means. Selfish – characterized by or manifesting concern or care for oneself. “Oneself”. Being a better black man is never about “oneself”. Choosing an “other” because her hair is straight, she isn’t difficult to handle, she stays in her place, etc… is all about YOU and nothing else. Stop being selfish bruh and grow a pair.

I also believe that to repair the damage done to our families/communities it will take an awful lot of SELFLESS actions. One of which should be to choose a black woman. Although that isn’t my main reason that YOU should choose a black woman. That has everything to do with HER and what SHE has done for YOU. Here are my top FIVE reason why YOU should choose a BLACK WOMAN:

1. She is becoming the most educated demographic in the country

  • According to the National Center of Education Statistics there are currently more black women enrolled in college than any other demographic (9.7%).
  • They are twice as more likely to actually graduate from college then YOU are.

Check it out for yourself here: National Center of Education Statistics, Degrees conferred by race and sex

2. Choosing her helps the community

  • Surprisingly our communities are not as strong as they were pre civil rights era. This is due in part to our strong family ties that were extremely matriarchal. Since then both the family and community has eroded. According to the U.S. Census Bureau only 39% of OUR children are growing up with both parents in the household (The percentage of white children is 74%). Just imagine how much better off we would be if both parents raised the majority of our children. I bet both the child and the community would be a lot better off.

Image result for Black Family

 3. She comes in every FLAVOR you can dream of!

  • Some guys choose others for their “exotic” looks, lighter complexions, etc…, thinking that they are better
  • The picture below says it all
  • There is nothing more “exotic” than a black woman. Go get you one!

 4. They are the new standard of beauty

  • Have you taken a look at social media these days? Everywhere you look there are “others” coloring their skin, enhancing their butts, lips, etc..
  • The models, TV and movie stars, etc… Are getting thicker.
  • And just go to this IG group and tell me I am wrong!

IG pages – @adoringblackwomen, @darkskinwomen

5. She has always been there for us

Image result for Black women and family during slavery

  • Our history began on this continent in 1619, when the first ships laden with West African men, women and children arrived in the colonies. A time when they tried to take from us our very identities as human. It was she who told our stories through the generations. It was she who made sure YOU kept your rhythm. She held our families together like NOBODY ELSE COULD.
  • After the age of slavery, while we were off fighting or building the white man’s war machine. It was her who made sure the children were fed. She was there when we returned home. She stood by our side like NOBODY ELSE DID.
  • During the Civil Rights movement she stood on the front lines with us, helped us remain organized, supported our ambitions and also held our families together like NOBODY ELSE DARED.
  • She stood by you when you couldn’t get that factory job and chose to take a chance by selling drugs. She held the family together whilst your wayward ambitions took you away from them like NOBODY ELSE WOULD.
  • She continues to be the only one that you can rely on when you are at your worst and she is just waiting for you to choose her when you become your best…

See a lot of men believe our women of color to be “Difficult”. But what they fail to understand is that our women have been dealing with us and our bullshit for centuries. If you don’t believe that every black women you know carries with her the shared experiences of her ancestors within herself intrinsically you know nothing! So by the time she starts dating one of us she already understands our centuries of baggage. She grows up seeing how we treat our women and expect the same. Then when she dates of few of us we dog her, just as she expected. So by the time YOU reach her at 35 she has not only been born with those centuries of innate hurt. She is then hurt repeatedly by us all 35 YEARS of her life. SO OF COURSE SHE IS DIFFICULT BITCH!!! ( I will take my hands off my hips now lol)

But the “others” weren’t born with the centuries of baggage we have. See their history with us is oh so brief. And that is why sir THEY DON’T DESERVE YOUR LOVE. They just haven’t earned it yet.

I will get into that final point more in part two of this series.

Thank You for your time

Are you ready to be a better man? Fuck with me then!

#Bebetterthanthem

 

 

 

 

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Black Men and Education (Bad Teachers)

This post in particular is for my YOUNG BOYS out there currently in school (Shouts out to SoLLUMINATI).

A common complaint I hear from our young boys that are struggling in school is that they are getting a bad grade in a class because the teacher is bad. They’d say, “I don’t understand what Ms. Smith is saying”, “Ms. Johnson doesn’t know what she is talking about” or my favorite; “Nobody else is passing either” (shout out to Mr. Barkers Airport Management Class).

I remember my young self-saying a lot of those same things in Mrs. Dupuy’s Spanish class (Yo no Hablo espanol). And I also remember at a young age to stop using that as an excuse for failure and that there just might also be other reasons why I couldn’t follow what was going on in those Spanish classes.

You see I know there are definitely some bad teachers out there, but most aren’t. I know for certain each and every one of those non bad teachers out there want every single one of their students to succeed. But no matter how good any teacher is someone will fall through the cracks. And that’s why teachers are taught to create lesson plans designed to make sure that those students down the middle make it through (my opinion, argue with me!). And those students at the top and the bottom have to figure something else out.

I was probably a higher level student. But I was failing Spanish class. My typical last-minute studying wasn’t working for a language class. This failure lead me to research learning styles. And as soon as I realized what my learning style was I never failed another class. I want you to do that same exercise and learn what you need to know to ensure YOU never fail again. Here is a list of the Seven Learning Styles:

The Seven Learning Styles (For more information on each individual learning style, click the styles name)

  • Visual: You prefer using pictures, images, and spatial understanding.👁👁
  • Auditory: You prefer using sound and music.🎧🎤
  • Verbal: You prefer using words, both in speech and writing.🗣✍🏿
  • Physical : You prefer using your body, hands and sense of touch.👏🏾👋🏿
  • Logical: You prefer using logic, reasoning and systems. 🤔🤔🤔
  • Social: You prefer to learn in groups or with other people.👦🏾👨🏾👦🏿👩🏿👧🏿
  • Solitary: You prefer to work alone and use self-study.👦🏿

(It’s likely that your own personal way of learning is a combination of a few of those above, so focus on which one describes your strongest attributes)

My learning style is Solitary. I would study alone the night before an exam and get an A with no problems. So I never needed a teacher to adjust to me. If your learning style is something else you may need your teacher to change-up how they relay the information to you.

My advice with that is for you to just be straight with them. Tell them that you researched learning styles and that your learning style is “fill in the blank here”. After that a GOOD teacher will do their best to adjust for you. A BAD teacher wont.

Having said that anyone interested in being a better black man will always look to help oneself. And once you understand your learning style you should be able to help yourself with just a little bit more work. Here are a few ways you can do that :

Like anything in life nothing comes from knowledge without the work! Even if you know your learning style succeeding isn’t guaranteed. But I have faith that you will do what you need to do to be better.

Are you ready to be a better man? Fuck with me then!

#Bebetterthanthem

 

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Black Men and Romance (The Plan Part 1)

You know I love the HBO show Insecure. I personally think it is a near perfect depiction of the current state of black relationships. In particular folk 35 and under. Some people would complain that the show is over sexualized. I would say that our relationships are over sexualized so the show got that right. But with all the screwing and love making on the show something important is missing; Romance!

None of the love interests in the show used romance to initiate sex with the main characters Issa and Molly. It almost always begins with a lusty encounter that looks both brief and unsatisfying. Does that sound familiar? Have your most recent intimate encounters involved romance?

Fellas this is mostly our fault! For starters I don’t think black men are the only guys that struggle with intimacy and romance in the bedroom. However, this blog is about making “US” better and that is where my focus lies with all of my posts.

If you ask most black women in America when was the last time they experienced romance in the bedroom, the answer would most likely be “it’s been a long time”. The reason behind this is complex but the short story is that Romance isn’t required anymore to have sex with a woman. They have become accustomed to going without; and now you would be pressed to see instances of romance in the bedroom on TV or anywhere really. That fact should not stop us black men who are interested in doing better though and I am here to help you change the narrative on this topic.

Whether you are single, married or in a committed relationship, romance should ALWAYS be a part of your repertoire; and here are 5 reasons why:

  1. Women love to feel special – telling a woman you love her and that she is special to you is one thing and showing her is another. A man who wants to be better will always do both.
  2. Women love to out do their friends – If you provide a romantic experience that supersedes what her friends have experienced you win.
  3. It’s good for you too – Black Men often have issues with expressing emotion. Being romantic gives you the opportunity to show her how you really feel about her.
  4. Makes you a better lover – I don’t know about you but I personally want to be the best lover in the world. Changing it up and adding romance will definitely make you a better lover. DO IT
  5. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOMEONE ELSE WILL – If a woman feels neglected in ANY WAY the probability is high that she will seek someone else to fill in those gaps. REMOVE ALL GAPS fellas.

Now I understand that sometimes it’s hard to come up with romantic ideas that are both creative and don’t cost you a bag of dough! But fellas, I am here to help you with a surefire plan that not only sets the new standard for your relationship but will also ensure that her panties are drenched before you even touch her.

THE PLAN (There aren’t too many things more attractive to a woman than a man with a plan)

Situation – This plan is best for those with a significant other but will work in most relationship types. Also, should be used for special occasions like bday, vday, etc.… or randomly (my choice).

Place – Your place. You have all the control over the mood in your own place. Control is king because the one with the control gets the credit!

What does it improve – Romance, Intimacy and Foreplay

What you need:

  • One week Meal Service Box (Hello Fresh, Blue Apron, Etc…)

Hello Fresh Box. Save 70% on a Hello Fresh Meal Plan (Click Here)

  • Fresh organic strawberries – Get these from your local organic food market i.e. Whole Foods, Trader Joes, etc.… black women are ahead on the organic food game and you will get points every time if you have produce from these places.
  • 1 bag of Chocolate Chips and 1 bag of White Chocolate Chips (get the brand that you like the most)

  • 1 Bottle of Wine – For White, get a Moscato (Try getting a unique brand (although she may be happy with a Barefoot wine you should step it up). Anytime you put her on to something new she will remember it forever.

Idea Link: Del Poggio Moscato (Click Here) .

  • If she is more into Red try a bottle of Jam Jar.

Idea Link: Jam Jar (Click Here)

  • For a different look try a Prosecco (Bubbles make her feel good)

Idea Link: Mionetto Prosecco (Click Here)

The Execution

Arrange a simple Netflix and Chill night with your lovely. When ready, put on the playlist and start making the meal together. The TOGETHER part is very important and the meal boxes are great because not only do they give you everything you need, they detail every step you need to take via pictures and video if needed. Take turns doing each step so that each of you are equally involved in preparing the meal. During this stage have normal conversation with just the occasional touch. Also, feel free to have a glass of wine or herb (whichever y’all prefer).

After your meal, it will be time for your dessert which will be chocolate covered strawberries. Now I chose the least expensive and simplest recipe for this but you can get as elaborate as you want with the ingredients here.

How To Make Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Feel free to get as messy as possible during the dessert making process (chocolate covered kisses are the best btw).

After enjoying both the chocolate and chocolate covered strawberries, she is ALMOST ready for the coup de grâce. Play this song from the BBBM Romance Playlist on Spotify or YouTube.

Daniel Ceaser – Get You

Now pull your lovely close and slow dance with her. By the second verse vertical foreplay is in order. By the end of the song the panties should be ready for removal (because they are drenched lol).

Enjoy fellas and if you have any questions about this tip please contact me at bbbmtheblog@gmail.com.

Also, if you are that dude and feel like you need a more advanced plan. Or if you have a special occasion coming up and want to surprise your lovely please hit me up.

Are you ready to be a better man? Fuck with me then!

#Bebetterthanthem