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American Black Men? An international perspective.

Black Men aren’t shit!!! That seems to be a popular sentiment by a lot of black women on social media these days (I live in a black bubble, no idea what the Others are saying)

I don’t want to get into the reasons some of our women feel this way and how some feel compelled to go elsewhere.

What I did do was wonder how women outside of the country felt about black men in America.

Have their experiences been positive with us?

Can they empathize with their American counterparts?

Do they appreciate things in American men that their men may lack?

So I asked a friend of mine to give her take on her experience with American men and with zero prepping by me here was her response. (Btw she’s not talking about me here lol)

KayPee is of Jamaican descent and a citizen of Toronto Canada.

@_kprince_

Dating the American Single Man, a Canadian Tale

I call foul…

I call muthafuckin’ foul…

I need someone to review the tape. Red card the whole lot. Eject these dudes out the muthafuckin game due to unfair advantage!

Sorry…but your girl is irritated, and it’s killing my ego to say why that it is out loud…
Until now…

Me: Hi. I’m KayPee from Canada.

Support group: Hi KayPee.

Me: And I…fucks with American men…
Support group: *sympathetic looks with soft claps and tearful nods* you so brave KayPee…

Why is this an issue you ask?

Well because at this point in my life, Issa too old to force squares into circle spaces, so I try to approach dating logically as opposed to emotionally. Therefore, though I’m fully aware of how challenging it is for two people who want the same thing to find each other, it still doesn’t logically make sense for me to entertain anyone that requires a plane ride or a road trip. I got needs AND I’m a monogamist, two attributes that MUST be reciprocated. So why be unreasonable and expect these attributes from someone who’s long distance to call? Yes, I know it’s not impossible (I’m aware people do it successfully every day) but is it worth the stress? No. I think…

But FUCKKKKK….here I am.
Still fucking with these bloodclot yankees.

I’m irritated yo, as they continue to knock down my wall of reality and I KNOW I ain’t easy. But here, here are four damn reasons why y’all need to send my ass thoughts and prayers. Four reasons why I grudgingly welcome the American invasion:

1) Pick up game strong AF

My local options fail at this time and time and muthafuckin time again. Yes, I agree that approaching a complete stranger and vocalizing interest is stressful, like public speaking. But…
Cry me a river. We live in a patriarchal society so you’ll have enough tissues of injustices to wipe your tears presently and in the future. Buck up.

But seriously, I’ve had my experience with horrible approaches. The first, the I-look-like-I’m-having-a-stroke-stare. Nevermind that this type of phenomenon is not subtle and comes off as creepy, but conducting an open-mouth, emotionless stare without not even a smile, looking like your face is frozen due to an internal health emergency and not blinking, is NOT COOL regardless of how attractive you may be. Serial killers are known to be good looking at times, so if I’m unsure whether or not you want to murder me by the look on your face, it ain’t a good approach sir.

But mainly there’s the indirect approach, anything to avoid just good old fashion moving they gawd damn feet in the direction of the woman they are attracted to. I’ve had niglets search and find me on social media talking about “I saw you last night at the party and…” blah blah. Or their friend will do the work and say ‘my friend wanna talk to you’ and points out they ass in some far off corner, eyeing at me through leaves of a potted plant. How can I “respect” that bruh?

Now those damn yanks? They will straight up let you know of their interest by giving you proper bedroom-eyes stare and/or smile. And they don’t leave it to chance by sending a friend. Nah bee they rolling up asking you your drink order, working the fuck outta first impressions. It seems a pretty basic way to start the process of meeting someone, but yanks get it right and locals be so so wrong.

2) Strong Reject Recovery

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to prepare myself to possibly have to fight a local dude whom I was not interested in. I’m sure I’m not alone in this outcome, thanks toxic masculinity! As I’ve implied above, I’m aware of how stressful and discouraging that walking up to a complete stranger can be. Though I have done the approaching at times in my life (it’s 2019 y’all) there’s definitely more of an expectation for the dude to do it; granted. Saying that, even when a local dude manages to move his ass towards me, if I’m uninterested which SINGLE WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO BE, why the subsequent vitriol? The rude response? The mild temper tantrum? I choose to blame Drake, as though he may be really in touch with his feelings, I feel he knowingly/unknowingly gives ammunition to local dudes to feel entitled to only positive responses to their approach, or otherwise act like children and sulk. All I owe anyone is respect, even when I am uninterested. So a respectful “no thank you” should be the end of it, instead of “well that’s why you’re single” REAL LIFE RESPONSE! AND NOT THE WORST ONE! N*gga do you know me? I outta cut you…

Now to them yanks…so they approach as they do, but you’re just not interested. They accept the answer (after some further efforts, cuz they can’t possibly accept the first ‘no’, the cheeky bastards) with no bitterness, but how in the H-E-double hockey sticks did this seducer leave me considering whether or not I could have possibly made the wrong decision? It’s hard to pinpoint, and maybe it’s me and I’m used to having to prepare to a mace a disgruntled suitor, but a yankee never acts rejected! They usually give you some kind of parting compliment…”well girl you still beautiful AF” or “well at least take my card in the event you change your mind” or some parting joke that have you laughing like a hyena before you realize *poof*, ‘where he go’? Then if you’re still at the same event, he’ll make sure to playfully keep bumping into you or send you “eyes” (not creeper eyes) even though you said no. If I was to guess, this outcome is a reflection of their feelings of self-worth…they know they the shit, confident in what they bring to the table….so a ‘no’ from a complete stranger no matter how attracted they may be to them, ain’t gonna dent their armour. I’ve tried to have this conversation with my male friends…like ‘who am I’ who says ‘no’? Significant enough to destroy your self-esteem?! Absolutely, no. Don’t give anyone that power over you, including my fine self 😉.

3) The Chase

So when fake-Drake does the unthinkable and approaches me resulting in a positive end, why does he then commence operation “sit on his ass”?

Again, here’s another situation where I wish the stats proving that beautiful, worthy women outnumbering men in collosal amounts would show itself.

How else do you explain the nearly immediate coma that takes over when they “get the girl”?

I had an older gentleman leave me speechless, and I usually have a rebuttal for everything. After he successfully “got the girl” we experienced difficulty syncing our schedules and actually meeting up. Knowing that he was legit a busy man with a job that required crazy hours and travelling, I suggested that I could come meet him during lunch near his place of work. We met, had a cool time, then recommenced our dance of syncing schedules to arrange date #2.

After numerous empty forgotten promises, and dates followed by cancelations, it became evident that he truly was too busy to be pursuing anything at that time, in my opinion. So I just amicably ‘gave up’, no animosity, it is what it is. Then some time later he sprung up asking “what happened”. What happened? Was he not “there” during our multiple conversations and no-shows?

So I just laughed it off and told him to holla when his schedule free’d up so I wouldn’t have to chase him around the city. This ingrate responded to me, ‘you call that a chase’? I almost headbutt my cell phone. So I just read the message and didn’t respond. The ingrate re-sent the message after not hearing back from me and added question marks after it. Are you dumb? “What do you want from me?!”-Tyrese.

American gentlemen take care of the rotation, and yes, hate to break it to some ladies but regardless of the location, until we both agree to be exclusive organically (not by ultimatum), we all are in each other’s “rotation”. But the americans don’t make you feel that way, or at least give the correct amount of attention and intention to get to know you and stop you from getting into your feelings. The texts, the actual phonecalls, facetiming and successfully implementing ACTUAL PLANS to see each other. And these bastards fly you out, end. Of. Story. Not because they rich, but they appear willing to show some effort before concluding yeah or nay.

Who fights against reciprocating in such a situation? Not I. And I think also since they’re so damn territorial, they aint finished with you until THEY finished with you so hell yeah they gonna take up your time making it harder for some other dude to insert themselves.

Pretty basic actions when I re-read this, but still, the score is Canadians 0, American men 1212 in this department. Even situations that haven’t worked out in the past have been due to the amicable discovery of non-negotiables or difference of wants/needs, not due to any lack of effort. You get what you put in. Simple.

4) Talking about putting it in

Sex with an American dude…That is all.
Ok I’ll give a little, JUST a little because I don’t like gassing up dudes I ain’t messing with such as potentially YOU, the random, unknown reader. But yeah, I didn’t know how much I’d love a man’s hand around my neck……until an American put his hand around my neck. And his chat game during the act…good lordt. I’d say because they are typically very direct and confident these same attributes show up in ALL areas. Whew, can someone open a window or something…Jesus.

Now I’m not saying that all the locals here can’t fuck. But I’m saying my experience has been better across the border. Could be a fluke. Or not.
Again, someone open a god damn window or turn on a fan, please and thank you.

I’m saying no more. #ISaidWhatISaid

5) Warranted Submission

Now I would consider myself a feminist and an admirer of the black woman and all her layers and strengths. But as I’ve said numerous times to local guys here, even the strongest and most independent woman deep down would gladly submit to the right man, I don’t care what her mouth says. Hell I would in a heartbeat, because submission is a strength not a weakness. It’s an immense responsibility and act of incredible trust when a woman who could do all bad by herself let’s a man lead in the current climate, and that’s why it takes more than basic efforts to relinquish that power and appoint that position. It’s like a woman conducting the medieval ceremony of knighting a man…saying ‘I can do anything and have done everything, but I trust YOU to take charge’.

The American men ive experienced will NOT ALLOW WOMEN to take the lead. I tried to do so numerous times out of habit, not based on some agenda to emasculate him, and have been metaphorically slapped into “my place” (it’s getting hot in here once again). While my local prospects remain arguing on message boards on why women should go dutch on dates and how many coffee dates warrants a ‘real’ date and how many years it takes to get a christmas gift, this southern yankee told me once that if I dared open my own passenger car door again that he’d spank me in the parking lot. I know some women struggle with this sort of ‘leadership’, and I get why. We hear submission and we think “ownership”, while a REAL dude (in this case, my American dudes) thinks “responsibility”. And the locals hear this and think this submission occurs as a result of how much money an American dude may have and/or prepared to spend on a woman. All I can say is that’s not it, and talk to your successful capadres on the real deal. I dunno how to explain it, but I’ve just experienced it and NEVER from a non-American man. Maybe it’s a result of the immense patriotism to their country and/or loyalty to their block (i.e. “Detroit vs Everybody”) which translates to responsibility and sense of accountability towards whom they are dating. I’m sorry if my explanation is vague for this point…you gotta “be there” I guess. Regardless, my dear locals, take notes please.

Now listen. Though all these points are integral to my comparison of American vs my local men, it is not intended to be a blueprint to a guaranteed successful relationship. Case in point, your girl is still single, so my Canadian sisters, don’t go digging in your couches looking for airfare. American man checking off all the above boxes does not guarantee a good boyfriend or husband. But to me the above is BASIC material which my locals fail at miserably, all the gawd damn time.

Why? I dunno…maybe we women outnumber dudes so much down here that there’s little incentive to act right. For every ‘me’ maybe there’s 20 other ‘me’, prettier and funnier and willing to accept less and put up with more. *shrugs* Supply and demand, can’t argue economics no matter how it’s principles are applied. But these principals remain and are real at least for me, hence why I employ my sense of logic…

Stay AWAY from the Americans KayPee.
Stay AWAY from the American men KayPee.
Stay AWAY from the…
…
BRB, long-distance call coming through…
Chat lata,
KayPee

I wanna know, especially from those women in other countries. What has your experience been?

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7 reasons why more black men should become investors by Kelvin Solco

African-Americans spend over $32 million annually on automobiles and over $27 billion annually on clothes and shoes. I recently read a Washington Post article written in February 2011 that stated 1 out of 4 African Americans indicated they owned stocks, bonds or mutual funds. Wow! Attention all Brothers! This needs to change!

According to an October 2017 article in the Washington Post, 1 in 7 white families are millionaires compared to 1 in 50 black families. During the past two decades, white families have significantly increased their wealth by investing in financial assets such as stocks, bonds, and retirement accounts. Their non-financial assets such as automobiles and real estate have also increased, but not as significantly as their financial assets.

So what should a good brother like you do? I recommend we all teach ourselves to become investors in stock and other similar assets. Why? There are many reasons but for the sake of brevity I will give you seven.

  1. Investing in financial assets, (like stocks and retirement accounts) is one of the easiest ways to become a part owner in a business that you do not have to manage.
  2. Purchasing a stock that pays a dividend, (or money periodically paid directly to the stock holder) is a great way to build passive income, (or money you earn with little or no effort).
  3. The stock market “return on investments” (meaning the amount you gain compared to what you had to invest) has averaged about 10% since the 1920’s, (which is must better than what you will get from a Bank savings account).
  4. Becoming a financial investor (a person that uses money to accumulate more money) is easier than ever because of the numerous online tools and other technology.
  5. Investing in stock does not require a college degree, formal training, or a credit check (but some type of low cost investor training is highly recommended).
  6. Becoming an investor can change the way you manage and allocate your money.
  7. Investing can be fun if you put in the work and do the research!

According to Investopedia.com, if you had invested $100 in Amazon in 1997 during their initial public offering, your investment would be worth over $49,000 by October, 2017. Obviously this is not the case with all stocks but I believe your chances of getting a return on a $100 dollar investment is much better with stock than betting $100 on the lottery. Is there risk involved? Yes, absolutely. There is both a significant amount of risk and a strong possibility of losing money. But there is also a significant amount of risk in just about everything else we do in life.

So, I am praying for more brothers to start the process of learning to become savvy investors. If you are interested, I recommend you start by reading an article called “Getting Started in Stocks” on Investopedia.com. Do not purchase anything just yet! You should never purchase financial assets without getting more information from a financial seminar or workshop, or by seeking help from a financial professional or a financial mentor.

So what are you going to do with the next $100 dollars you have to spare? Should you buy the latest best-selling Nike shoes, or should you buy stock in Nike first, (and then buy the shoes later when they go on sale)? I think you should invest, because you are blessed! Finally brothers, please carefully consider the following Bible verse:

Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, But those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty.

About the author: Kelvin L. Solco is a motivational and inspirational speaker with over 22 years of management and executive leadership experience. He has a bachelor’s degree from an HBCU and a Master’s degree in Business Administration from a Christian University. Kelvin enjoys teaching leadership, career planning, aviation education, financial literacy and basic stock market investing in Churches, social organizations, schools, and small groups. Kelvin can also be booked to speak to groups in large or small events. For more information see his LinkedIn profile or contact him a KSolco@joinvictory.org. Kelvin is not a certified financial planner.