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Top Five Things Black Men Get Wrong in the Bedroom (Part 3)

Image result for Rated R

Fellas if you are anything like me you probably think that you are the SHIT in the bedroom. Honestly how many men do you know that would admit to being bad in the sack…?

Yeah Me Either

But according to our women we all aren’t all 10’s in the love making department. In fact we apparently have a lot of issues pleasing our women. So in an attempt to get better I have queried every women that would answer me on this topic…

What are some things that Black Men get wrong in the bedroom?

In this 5 part series I will attempt to highlight those Top 5 ways that we get it wrong and I will also attempt to provide solutions to these issues.

Top Five Ways things Black men get wrong in the bedroom:

  1. Lack of Familiarity with the Vagina (Part 1)
  2. Lack of Foreplay (Part 2)
  3. Finishing to Quickly (Part 3)
  4. ? (Part 4)
  5. ? (Part 5)

Finishing to Quickly

I remember growing up and hearing the “1 Minute Man” song by Missy Elliot and thinking that I NEVER wanna be that guy!

Just the way the song starts alone:

Ooh, I don’t want I don’t need I can’t stand no minute man
I don’t want no minute man
Ooh, here’s your chance be a man take my hand understand
I don’t want no minute man

It sounded exactly like the thing that would have women running away from you and who wants that? So I always strived to last longer than a minute.

Having said that I definitely have dealt with those moments when I came up short. There was this one time that I finally got to get with my long time crush….

… I decided not to tell that story. It wasnt a  good for your boy! Lol

I doubt that any guy that actually cares about his partner is busting off fast on purpose. Men suffer from premature ejaculation (PE) for many reasons. They can be too sensitive, anxious and in some cases don’t know when they are cumming until it’s too late!

Here are a few techniques you can use to keep the kids from leaving the building too early:

 

Trojan Pleasures Extended Duration Enhancing Lubricated Latex Condoms - 12 ct

Use a thicker condom – if you have an issue with too much sensitivity this may work for you. Stop buying “thin” or “skin like” condoms. What you want is a thicker condom to decrease sensitivity and hopefully help you last longer.

Image result for Take your time

Take your time (stop/start method) – Remember the goal is her satisfaction gentlemen. You are a dude and should get yours regardless so it isn’t a race to see who finishes first.

When you feel yourself getting to the point where you are going to cum. STOP. Now a doctor would tell you to resume after around 30 to 60 seconds. When you feel like you are going to cum again STOP. Keep doing this over and over again and it should improve your stamina going into future sessions.

I know stopping and starting can be awkward and annoying to your partner. So what I like to do is communicate exactly why I am stopping and then instead of waiting 30/60 seconds to begin again I just do something else like putting on a bib and going to work!

Image result for Squeezing tube

Squeeze method – The same as the start/stop method but instead of pulling out and waiting you squeeze your penis to cut off the flow. If done in time you can stop the eruption. Problem with this method is your erection may go with it. Make sure you are turned on enough where that doesn’t happen if you wanna try this method.

Image result for prescription drugs

Pills and Ointments – Don’t use them unless there is no other hope (erectile dysfunction or something). They all come with side effects that can cause long term and short term issues.

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Alcohol – Another tool that may work for some is Alcohol. Alcohol is a vasodilator which means it makes your blood vessels wider which improves blood flow. This can help you maintain an erection. Alcohol also works to desensitize your extremities. This includes your penis; which means with less sensitivity you may last longer. I won’t get into the adverse health effects here but there are a gang of them.

 

Image result for medical marijuana

Marijuana – Man has the American Government done a fantastic job of sullying the good works that this miracle plant (only been illegal since 1970). There is even audio out there where Nixon states that he is making it a higher priority drug because “all the Jews want it legalized”. Here is that audio actually:

If marijuana is legal in your state then this may be what’s going to get you to where you are trying to go. First you need to find out what strains do the job (indica/sativa/hybrid) and you should be on your way.  What I find marijuana to do is help you focus and pay more attention to what you are doing. Thus giving you more control over your body.

 

 

 

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Top Five Things Black Men Get Wrong in the Bedroom (Part 1)

Image result for Rated R

Fellas if you are anything like me you probably think that you are the SHIT in the bedroom. Honestly how many men do you know that would admit to being bad in the sack…?

Yeah Me Either

But according to our women we all aren’t all 10’s in the love making department. In fact we apparently have a lot of issues pleasing our women. So in an attempt to get better I have queried every women that would answer me on this topic…

What are some things that Black Men get wrong in the bedroom?

In this 5 part series I will attempt to highlight those Top 5 ways that we get it wrong and I will also attempt to provide solutions to these issues.

Top Five Ways things Black men get wrong in the bedroom:

  1. Lack of Familiarity with the Vagina (Part 1)
  2. ? (Part 2)
  3. ? (Part 3)
  4. ? (Part 4)
  5. ? (Part 5)

Honorable Mention: Penis Size

Surprisingly most women didn’t mark this as a concern. Apparently the “little guys” are finding ways to overcome their deficiency by doing things other than penetration. Their lack of size also is overcome by penetrating from different angles (more on that later). They also apparently are more affectionate which goes a long way for women.

Lack of familiarity with the Vagina

Image result for Treasure hunt

Dealing with a woman’s vagina should not be like a treasure hunt but apparently for some men it is.

 

 

One of my female friends told me that “some men just don’t know where the clitoris is.”…

…that is crazy to me being that it is 2018 but I believe her.

What it tells me is that if you don’t know where the clit is you probably don’t care much for your partner (which happens).

But having said all of that if you STILL don’t know here are two diagrams of the vagina and the sex relevant areas.

Diagram of Vagina’s Erotic Zones Internal
Diagram of Vagina’s Erotic Zones External

 

Now that you can identify the various components of the vagina, you need to know what parts are the relevant pleasure zones during sex. Of the twelve ways a women can orgasm seven potentially involve the vagina (anus included). Those orgasm types are:

  1. Clitoris – Orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris
  2. G-Spot – Orgasm through stimulation of the small spongy area above the vagina wall
  3. Cervix – Orgasm through applying pressure to the Cervix
  4. U-Spot – Orgasm through stimulation of the area around the Urinary Opening (squirting)
  5. Anal ­­– Orgasm through stimulation of the anus
  6. Blended Orgasm – Orgasm through stimulating more than one area at a time
  7. Multiple Orgasms – Multiple orgasms come in two forms: sequential (one right after the other, with rest time in between) and serial (one right after another)

Here are a few video tutorials on how you can help her achieve the big O:

Hand Stimulation Techniques For Explosive Orgasms –

http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/hand-stimulation-techniques-explosive-orgasms/

Basic Tips For Going Down On Her –

G-Spot Orgasms: Tips and Techniques to Stimulate Her –

Now fellas I know you will feel pressure in trying to make her achieve these orgasm types and that would be a mistake. Before you rush off and try to go ham on these Zones make sure you know who your partner is and what she likes. If she isn’t comfortable with her body or not relaxed the achievement of most of these will be next to impossible. You have to ensure that she is relaxed and aroused before you can begin to see results.

Also make sure that everything you do to her body is done with focus and intent. The Focus and Intent should always be about pleasing her. That’s the only real way to ensure that she is satisfied.

 

P.S. Some things you shouldn’t do to the vagina:

Image result for Women crying stop

Do Not Bite IT – I have heard women say men have used their teeth during oral sex. Why, why and why? Fellas I doubt that it feels good

Don’t Ignore the Clit – I have also heard the complaint that some men spend a lot of time licking everything BUT the clit during oral sex. Not wise considering that the majority of the nerves in the vagina are located in the clit. Which means she probably doesn’t feel much bro! FOCUS!

Rabbit Sex – Fellas I know you probably have learned most of your sexual technique from porn. Which is fine, most women probably do that same but… Just because you see Wesley Pipes pump her vagina into submission doesn’t mean that’s what works for her. Remember in Porn they shoot for what looks good on camera not for what feels good for her. So the next time you decide you want to beat it up remember, changing up the pace can go a long with towards making her vagina happy!

Tend to your fingers – putting dirty fingers or unclipped nails in her vagina is no Bueno. Your fingernails trap numerous types of bacteria and should be sanitized. Unclipped nails can cause her harm internally. The one thing you don’t want to hear from her is OWWWWW or Ouch. Handle that fellas.

 

 

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Valentine’s Day Tips (Black Men and Romance Part 2)

valentines day love GIF by HULU

Every Valentine’s Day I hear folk on social media shitting on the holiday made for love. The most common phrases are “I don’t celebrate V-day because…” or “V-day was made just for folk to spend more money”.

When I hear those phrases I instantly think that he doesn’t want to spend his money on a women he doesn’t really care for or that she has never really had V-day done properly.

With all that being said I personally LOVE Valentine’s day. It’s like Christmas but with the women as the headliner instead of the kids. It’s the one opportunity within the year that you can justify going all out for her and also find tremendous deals with the V-day packages available.

If you are struggling to figure out what to do for your sweet this V-day don’t fret I got you! Here are three VIP tips that will ensure that she know just how much you care for her on her day!

Provide an Experience

 

What I like to do is find the best bed and breakfast in the area and go! You normally can find a package that throws in Dinner, Champagne, Roses, etc.… For a reasonable price. Also a lot of Bed and Breakfasts are within a reasonable distance of an entertainment center where you can take her to a play, comic show, concert, etc.…

Here is a good source for B&B’s that I use to find what’s available in the area:

Bed and Breakfast.com

Here is a sight that I use to find premium boutique hotels and B&B’s. Excellent properties on here:

Small Luxury Hotels

And if traveling to another city and you want to stay within its core I would use nothing but:

Hotwire

Just put the star level at 4 and up and pick the area that your research tells you there are things to do and hit pay now! It has never let me down in any city that I’ve been in and I am sure you will have similar results.

Pro Tip: Pack her bag while she is at work and pick her up and hit the road. Tell her you are taking her someplace special and she will enjoy the extra surprise.

She only likes gifts?

 

Ok you know your lady and she only accepts gifts and cash on her special days. Don’t worry, I got something for you too.

I know getting gifts can break ya pockets, but it doesn’t have to. There are many websites out there where you can find name brand crap on discount. My favorites are:

Higher End: Gilt.com

Budget: Fashionova

Something Different – Subscription Box

Well there are plenty of these things for women and you can pair these with an experience or another gift. Here are the best imho:

Box of Style

Avenue A | Adidas

Onyx Box

Curl Kit

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Let me put you on to something!

My G, I saw the most amazing thing last night. I watched this video and it instantly blew my mind and made me want to do better. This video was of a group of women dancing in some secret studio in heaven. And they were dancing to a song that I love by my musical persona the R&B General Tank. Ok I will leave you in suspense no longer, here is the video!

This video was produced by the DYNAMIC Ayila Janell (the fly girl in the middle at the beginning) Now I know you can respect what you just saw. I mean my head exploded about five times during the video. First of all the song choice was right on point with the routine (I bet you didn’t realize they all were doing the same dance routine!). The way they were dressed was all the way 21st century sexy dancer. And the dancers themselves were the best things I’ve ever seen. But the routine itself!!!

NI&&A!!! (Yeah I use the word, I will explain in another post)

I think that’s what we need, fellas. If you can get you a woman that will do that for you when you need it you need to let her be herself and do what she wants to do. And you need to do the cooking and dishes.

Seduction and Sensuality are things that may be missing a lot in our homes; But I know our woman want to have that skill in tow but we have to let them be themselves and open up.  We have to allow them to feel sexy and do sexy things. And then they will do those Seductive and Sensual things that we want. Don’t be a regular dude bruh, be adventurous, spontaneous and flexible for your woman and she will be those things for you.

See some more of these fantastic videos Here:

Ayila Janell

or

Nicole Kirkland

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Black Men and Romance (The Plan Part 1)

You know I love the HBO show Insecure. I personally think it is a near perfect depiction of the current state of black relationships. In particular folk 35 and under. Some people would complain that the show is over sexualized. I would say that our relationships are over sexualized so the show got that right. But with all the screwing and love making on the show something important is missing; Romance!

None of the love interests in the show used romance to initiate sex with the main characters Issa and Molly. It almost always begins with a lusty encounter that looks both brief and unsatisfying. Does that sound familiar? Have your most recent intimate encounters involved romance?

Fellas this is mostly our fault! For starters I don’t think black men are the only guys that struggle with intimacy and romance in the bedroom. However, this blog is about making “US” better and that is where my focus lies with all of my posts.

If you ask most black women in America when was the last time they experienced romance in the bedroom, the answer would most likely be “it’s been a long time”. The reason behind this is complex but the short story is that Romance isn’t required anymore to have sex with a woman. They have become accustomed to going without; and now you would be pressed to see instances of romance in the bedroom on TV or anywhere really. That fact should not stop us black men who are interested in doing better though and I am here to help you change the narrative on this topic.

Whether you are single, married or in a committed relationship, romance should ALWAYS be a part of your repertoire; and here are 5 reasons why:

  1. Women love to feel special – telling a woman you love her and that she is special to you is one thing and showing her is another. A man who wants to be better will always do both.
  2. Women love to out do their friends – If you provide a romantic experience that supersedes what her friends have experienced you win.
  3. It’s good for you too – Black Men often have issues with expressing emotion. Being romantic gives you the opportunity to show her how you really feel about her.
  4. Makes you a better lover – I don’t know about you but I personally want to be the best lover in the world. Changing it up and adding romance will definitely make you a better lover. DO IT
  5. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOMEONE ELSE WILL – If a woman feels neglected in ANY WAY the probability is high that she will seek someone else to fill in those gaps. REMOVE ALL GAPS fellas.

Now I understand that sometimes it’s hard to come up with romantic ideas that are both creative and don’t cost you a bag of dough! But fellas, I am here to help you with a surefire plan that not only sets the new standard for your relationship but will also ensure that her panties are drenched before you even touch her.

THE PLAN (There aren’t too many things more attractive to a woman than a man with a plan)

Situation – This plan is best for those with a significant other but will work in most relationship types. Also, should be used for special occasions like bday, vday, etc.… or randomly (my choice).

Place – Your place. You have all the control over the mood in your own place. Control is king because the one with the control gets the credit!

What does it improve – Romance, Intimacy and Foreplay

What you need:

  • One week Meal Service Box (Hello Fresh, Blue Apron, Etc…)

Hello Fresh Box. Save 70% on a Hello Fresh Meal Plan (Click Here)

  • Fresh organic strawberries – Get these from your local organic food market i.e. Whole Foods, Trader Joes, etc.… black women are ahead on the organic food game and you will get points every time if you have produce from these places.
  • 1 bag of Chocolate Chips and 1 bag of White Chocolate Chips (get the brand that you like the most)

  • 1 Bottle of Wine – For White, get a Moscato (Try getting a unique brand (although she may be happy with a Barefoot wine you should step it up). Anytime you put her on to something new she will remember it forever.

Idea Link: Del Poggio Moscato (Click Here) .

  • If she is more into Red try a bottle of Jam Jar.

Idea Link: Jam Jar (Click Here)

  • For a different look try a Prosecco (Bubbles make her feel good)

Idea Link: Mionetto Prosecco (Click Here)

The Execution

Arrange a simple Netflix and Chill night with your lovely. When ready, put on the playlist and start making the meal together. The TOGETHER part is very important and the meal boxes are great because not only do they give you everything you need, they detail every step you need to take via pictures and video if needed. Take turns doing each step so that each of you are equally involved in preparing the meal. During this stage have normal conversation with just the occasional touch. Also, feel free to have a glass of wine or herb (whichever y’all prefer).

After your meal, it will be time for your dessert which will be chocolate covered strawberries. Now I chose the least expensive and simplest recipe for this but you can get as elaborate as you want with the ingredients here.

How To Make Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Feel free to get as messy as possible during the dessert making process (chocolate covered kisses are the best btw).

After enjoying both the chocolate and chocolate covered strawberries, she is ALMOST ready for the coup de grâce. Play this song from the BBBM Romance Playlist on Spotify or YouTube.

Daniel Ceaser – Get You

Now pull your lovely close and slow dance with her. By the second verse vertical foreplay is in order. By the end of the song the panties should be ready for removal (because they are drenched lol).

Enjoy fellas and if you have any questions about this tip please contact me at bbbmtheblog@gmail.com.

Also, if you are that dude and feel like you need a more advanced plan. Or if you have a special occasion coming up and want to surprise your lovely please hit me up.

Are you ready to be a better man? Fuck with me then!

#Bebetterthanthem