I read this extremely interesting blog post yesterday that had me in my feels. I mean this brother was pretty much unpacking my post college life with extraordinary eloquence. I was actually a bit jealous because I hadn’t written it myself. I agreed and felt almost every part of the post. Here are a few excerpts:

“The popular image of Black men in America is an uneducated, unemployed goon.  Far from the truth but people see what they are comfortable seeing.  So when they see a Black man who is striving for success their minds have trouble dealing with the reality in front of them.  That’s why when they see a Black man who has a high price sports car and he’s not an entertainer or athlete they think he’s a drug dealer.  Even some of friends might think he’s hustling illegal substances.  I’ve had that happen to me.”

Or

“With so many negative perceptions a Black man on the path to success develops a tendency to stay to himself.  A few are lucky to be among a similar group of men. Most, however, are on an isolated path with maybe one or two confidants.”

And finally

“Most people in society value the safety of being in a herd.  The herd gets uncomfortable with the person who wants to rise above the herd.  Often the Black man who wants to go beyond the proscribed path of the herd is ridiculed and unsupported in his path to success.  The successful Black man realizes, sometimes from a young age, that he may have to leave the people he loves behind.  It is a very hard choice.  Ultimately he has to choose himself because his drive to make a mark on the world is so strong.  That doesn’t make the choice any easier.”

I can empathize with each and every one of those statements because it’s how I have moved through the world up until just about this year.

Now that I have found a moderate bit of success and stability (and a new habit) I have now been able to reach back out to love ones from the past and begin to mend those relationships. Every black man striving to be better will hopefully become self-aware enough to do the same.

So up until this point in the post my man is spot on and killing me with these ideas and feelings that I couldn’t find a way to describe myself. Then he wrote this….

“Even in the realm of male/female relationships it can be lonely.  You are reading this blog because I made a decision that I wanted to make my mark through writing. Yet when I used to tell women what I wanted to do they didn’t believe I could do it.  They wondered if I could make money writing. The number of women who offered support I could count on one hand with fingers left over.  I learned to keep my interactions with women on a superficial level so I would at least get sex from them. It was shame I couldn’t open up to many women because they lacked vision. Many successful Black men have told me they had the same experiences.”

Well homie I couldn’t disagree with you more. Most of the men I know like myself have nothing BUT influential women in our lives with vision that helped us find ourselves.

I have learned some of life’s greatest lessons via interactions with women. I learn how to read people through the detailed conversation had with them. Learned how to love better by listening to them. I also learned how to organize from women.

Those lessons described are but a fraction of what I have learned from them and man if I am to be honest there have not been that many men that I can say the same of. At least not any that I know personally.

I mean I had Uncle Marshall, my Grandfather from time to time, Mr. Willy taught me how to tie my shows and my left from my rights (one of the most traumatic experiences for me as a kid) and Commissioner Charles Everett Jr has helped me along at different stages of my Aviation career. That’s about it. But for me to list the influential women of my life I would have a list about ten pages long with zero hesitation.

All of what I just mentioned is true of maybe my first 30 years on this planet. Since turning thirty success has started to find me and subsequently my networking opportunities. Also moving around the country a lot for work helps with being able to meet more successful/like minded men. Which means that now I definitely have around me a group of men that I would deem influential and integral to my continued success.

I recommend every young black man to try living someplace else. Most of the men that I know that have moved away from their home city have found a lot more success in their new home.

But this is my personal opinion based on my personal experiences.

After reading this blog post I became really interested in what the opposite sex would have to say about it. Being that I thought it was a unique perspective that I hadn’t seen shared a lot I figured that most women would probably learn something from it. Here are a few of the responses that I have seen:

another conversation

These are conversations with a few women that I know. They obviously didn’t agree with the statements about women that were made in the post.

Here is what some of the fellas had to say about the the topic:

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I have shared my opinion on the post and also those of others. But now I am interested in hearing your opinion. You can read the blog post for yourself using the link below. Please share your opinion in the comments box. Thank you

The Lonely Path of the Successful Black Man